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12th May 2007
okay. I get it. thing by thing.
I work at an ice cream shop.
This woman comes in every day and orders a Strawberry frappe but doesnt drink it (this sounds like it's going to be a math problem). She told me yesterday (I didn't ask) that her husand is dying from a brain tumor and only wants and only eats strawberry frappes.
wow, that is all he is choosing to fuel his body. and. and I am making it.
I mean food is being poured into his vains probably but a strawberry frappe a day is HIS choice.
The woman didn't come for one today.
It was such a bad day today. I worked in the flower/barn part of Country Brook Farms all morning. people were buying flowers and trees and mulch every second no spare time. I didnt get a lunch. I had to work the ice cream shop until 9:30 that night. that is how it has been EVERY day for the past two weeks. except today was the day before mothers day so it was extra crazy.
Before I counted out the draw and shut off the lights I made myself a strawberry frappe.
I felt so fucking good after.
that woman's husband has the right idea.
I think that is more of how I would like a livejournal entry to be. :)
baby come on.
this song is me right now.
04 Ghetto Blastin’ – Virgil Shepard Walters
did that work?
well If you go to this website http://www.thepaganagenda.com/category/time-capsule/
type in "Ghetto" into the find on this page thingy then you can listen to it there. or just scroll down and find it. the song is frickin fabulous.
I suppose this is also how I have been:
is that embarrassing? I don’t know.
I do Neutral Milk Hotel best.
what else...? I started chalk art again. did one last weekend.
I have been working my ass off cuzz I'm going to Italy for five weeks starting next month.
that is SUPER cool.
I ah. I dont know.
I have been playing otehr rrrreally awesome songs pretty badly under the name Tinderbundle with my homies...but mostly me.
I wish I had musical talent and not painterly/sculptury talents. really.
I really don’t know what to say.
stuff is happening. I'm not bored.
really tired, sometimes sad, sometimes super happy...lonely BUT not bored.
It is hard for me to address a larger number than 1 amount of people. It always has been. I mean... not hard, just...less meaningful. less "good."
so larger number than 1 amount of people this is the journal entry I give you. write to me and stuff.
oh these shows are coming up that I want to go to.
if you want to too then we should go together.
Tub Ring : Monday
Andrew Bird this wed. (I don’t think I can make it to this)
Page France: 5/20
Tapes n' Tapes: I forget when this is.
Handsome furs: some day during the second to last week of May. i forget.
Mirah: sometime in July maybe
the Octopus Project: sometime in august. They put on a great fricken show. everyone and their rocks should see it.
22nd August 2006
SCHTOP. I like this story that is true and is recent and mine.
this is a story about my neighbor. I really want to interview him but I cant because he doesn't say nuthin. :
Mister neighbor to my right has two houses on one property; he is approx. 72.4 years old and has two dogs.
He sits on his porch every afternoon, but not without the dogs. One little, one big.
The big one attacks anything it can attack and he attacks them scary like too, no sneaky pouncing or stealthy shreds. He is a loud motherfucker.
Mister NTMR also lives with a woman and two boys around the ages of 30-40 somethings.
They are all mentally messed up somehow. Every single one.
I don’t think it is a house for such a thing, I think they are all just a family.
The first day I ever saw NTMR he was on his porch, I said hi and he just looked at me, told his dog to shut up, but just kept looking at me. “I’m not afraid of your dog. He can keep barking.”
“I always feel bad for animals because they can’t talk back to us but we yell at them all the time.”
….just kept on staring.
Then a few nights later I was in my room reading, it was midnight and I just realized that something outside had been clanging for a while.
I looked outside my window and there was NTMR.
He was going in circles, nope, squares.
He started at his front doorstep went up one of his paths through his front lawn to the gate by the sidewalk, openes the gate. Clang. Closes the gate. Clang. Turns on his flashlight. Walks across the sidewalk flashlight pointed at the ground and stares searching for something while walking until he gets to another opening in the gate further down. Turns off flashlight. Opens gate door. Clang. Walks through. Closes. Clang. Goes up a different path that leads from the gate door he is at now back to another door to his house and starts over at the other other door on the front step.
I watched him do it three more times before he went inside. I don’t know how many times he did it before I started watching.
I listened to him do it again the other night. I didn’t watch him. I was afraid to.
I think he is a peeping tom himself and when he is looking at the sidewalk so intently he is really watching other little tiny NTMRs walking in squares on their property and wondering what the heck they are doing themselves and he doesn’t realize that he is doing the same thing while watching and wondering why they are doing that and THAT is why I’m afraid to watch him again because it will become a routine and then someone may see me and react... I reacted.
a few nights ago I decided to draw dancing instructions, how to waltz to be exact, right on the sidewalk where he stares.
just in chalk
dressed in black like I was on a mission, I drew.
1, 2, 3
1, 2, 3http://www.centralhome.com/BALLROOMCOUNTRY/images/dance/waltz_box.gif
^that's what I drew.
I didn't want to mess with him that bad really, just change his groove, but not too much...enhance his groove. I guess I didn't think about OCD though if that is even what he has.He does come outside every night at midnight and squares around his yard....BUT this waltz is a square! it is perfect!
well the ending of the story isn't amazin. He saw it and stared at it for a while for a long long while and then went in the gate and out the gate and stared at it for another long long long while. he went in after two hours. I thought it was only fair to stay up as late as he did and lose as much sleep as he did. the next day it rained and the waltz was gone. he never tried to dance. he came out the next night though and was back on schedule.
I haven't updated in a while. I moved out on my own this summer, got happy got sad. the sad was taking over the happy and now I am moving back home... I did have some fun.
I think I will leave something for mister NTMR before I move out. something like "you were my constant, thanks."
okay, that is all. I did not do much this summer nothing I would like to write about in this. ask me in person, stuff will come out of my mouth.
things I am looking forward to in the next month:
three great shows in boston:
Beirut: august 26th (this guy is frickin awesome, check him, a young one man band sort of a devotchka feel) http://myspace.com/beruit
the decemberists: october?
regina: oct. 6th
6th March 2006
I think I'm going to go crazy with the not knowing. :
I couldn't pay attention all day.
and you know with all that could happen, the only thing i can think about is if I will get my frickin essay written before thursday and before things may have to happen.
i did these for a thing for a thing... corey and danni held them as living statues. my wonderful friend lyette made another painting and held hers in bronze.. there are pictures of this somewhere, hmmm... yeah. it doesnt matter.
"best friends" yeah... f that.
who does that?
14th February 2006
Oh I wish
I wish I wish I hope I complain I try I regret that i cannot play an instrument well... :
other art forms are not working to express all of what i need to get off of my skin and eyes and fingernails.
here is this semi large peice i did for a show at school that it will probably not make it into. ah well.
ha, it said price value and i have never had to think about that before so i was going to write like 5 dollars or something...I wasn't planning on selling it at all but this peice of paper wasnt giving me the choice... I asked my teacher and he did one of these, "we----------ll, at this stage of the game you are in you should put $500."
it is just a big drawing that i worked 2 days on.
if it were a painting i would maybe understand, but it is a drawing.
aaaaaaaaaand you can bet your ass I added two zeros onto that 5.
17th January 2006
a man destined to hang will never hang
Yesterday was my anniversary of my diagnosis. :
we had to set up a meaningful still life at home and draw it for homework
.... good first impression casey.
3rd December 2005
chalk shalk shock chock choke
I just sorta put all the chalk art I did over the summer into this nice little photobucket album so here it is: : http://photobucket.com/albums/a34/imbibeit/massart/
I made 0 dallas doing this this summer. next summer is different i am going to have a frocking bucket and fucking get money to buy some more freaking chalk. do you all know how much chalk pastels cost? and how much they get torn apart by the ground? much chalk is used in the process. specially black. specially.
oh yeah. should i put these in my digital portfolio i am sending into mass art at the end of the month? or are they not considered "okay" because they no longer exists and are pretty cruddy picture examples?
peace out sour kraut.
27th November 2005
blink water blink squeeeeeeeeze open water blink
new most polarpoop answer to "whats up/ whatchya doin?" is "well, i should be doing work...but im not." :
go ahead. ask me. i bet i will answer like that.
thanksgiving was uber kind of strange.
it was established that I have changed a ton this year and for the better... and this isn't surprising.
- I was dianosed with cacner, overcame it, lost friends (pretty much had only one single friend), gained family, gained music, confidence... so much. OH i can plug something here. The Brigade is a group of performers that make lovely art at dresden doll shows as well as on a daily basis. I joined them almost only two months after coming out of chemo and it was a release. helping people through art... sharing art in public, oh man, just...just...love. the brigade is mainly how I started branching off and doing more art for people rather than just myself. it's weird, i never thought to share or street perform before this. it is incredibly rewarding. Even my good pal Michelle Hogan said... "casey, I like making art, but when i do it with you it is more rewarding and i feel more. it is better." -THAT is because when we made art together(living statued, read poetry outloud in town, chalked) we weren't doing it for us. OKAY enough of that, plug: THE DRESDEN DOLLS DVD LIVE AT THE PARADISE. go buy it, its only 8 bucks at newbury comics. the brigade is on it. i am on it, a good minute of me chalking aaand the band is also being their usual awesome self performing. it rocks.
wow. totally off track and confused... i think i wanted to thank people a belated thanks... so. thanks people. you know who you are. maybe only 3 of you actually are on livejournal..but yeah.
I have lots to say, but i always forget to blog on this. i wish i had a photocopy machine so that i could just copy my journal into this... then you would all know it aaaaaalll. AAAAAAAAAAALL.
oh yes, i may be going to mass art next year. my school now is just okey dokey. but honestly, who is okay with okey dokey? am i right? there are reasons. i need to maybe start not doing my work a little more though. so bye. bye so so so so bye. bye bye buy by
21st October 2005
*Today I assisted in painting a cow. I'm going to paint another on my own for $1,000 bucks. if i feel like that one went well then I'm designing 4 more... that means i will then have earned $5,000. I WILL pay my way through college via ceramic cow art.
*Side Walk Sam has invited me to do an "American Art Tour" or something. I don't know if i could take that much of side walk sam. making art all over Aamerica would get me "out there" though.
*My performance for the halloween show is coming together I think. roaming psycho artist?
* Why do people throw away their mess up prints/tester photography? The trash can in the dark room is a frocking collage gold mine.
* I should be doing all my work that's due monday...alas... nuuurope. YAY! I'm spending this weekend with michelle!
* I want to start a salon. Or be a part of one.
wanna have an art party everyone? rage against our government? bush? just rage and make bunches of art in general? or maybe no rage. what? what's that? I don't know. I didn't say anything. oh, I thought you said something.
*i had an MRI today, I'm still fine. It's been six months. weheheird.
bell glow gllllll ow
ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow
el el el ow el ow el
be el be el bE bE
*My drawing teacher believes I should be a painter, my digital imaging teacher says i should be a photography major, I haven't had ceramics yet... but...we all know i should take that up too. I'm not full of myself.
*maizie and I started an experimental band called, "awesome." I play the washboard and tap shoes, she plays keyboard. so far we have had one show... in an elevator. it was AWESOME.
*Music is the shit. Liet teaches me piano between classes. I'm not horrible.
^ NHIA kids have grandascious names.
*Dave is a hippie
*katie is a g.g. allen crazy german speaking gal.
*ollie is olliliscous.
...an so on and on and on and on....
do i have more to say.... more has happened, yes... but! the now what is happening in the now!
THAT is for another entry
24th August 2005
michelle and I have been hanging out for these past couple of days. :
we statued in portsmouth on monday. it was a learning experience let me tell you. we were definitely liked and good from what people we saying.
the usual things happened that i have heard happen to others.
people think they are being original in the things they say to you when they are not the first to say those things at all.
one woman wants to paint us, she is very good, im looking into it. one man proposed. this hip hop group waited until we were done so they could talk to us, learn. they were not what i expected. one of them played the violin and trumpet in the group. this little two year old tried to mimic the faces i was making at him. one person asked if we knew who the dresden dolls were(i wonder if this is asked a lot, especially in the boston area). money was folded origami style. there were a lot of different characters who were for the most part loving.
yesterday we did a lot of nothing and it was just what i needed.
-looked at things written on old grave stones.
-played basketball with little ten year olds from the hood. hood park that is. i was on the loser team. manny and tony sucked. i hope manny turns out alright when he grows up(doubtful, but i hope).
-went people watching at the airport. awesome place to do this. the arrivals were better than the departures. people hugging, crying, happy to see each other, some wishing they had never walked off the plane onto manchester soil. there were a lot of people who cried when they saw loved ones though, it was touching.
-after all that we read poetry in front of random stores hoping to earn three dollars for a pretzel. we got 50 cents. damn
it was good to see michelle before she up and left. i'm going to miss a lot of you college goers.
1st August 2005
I haven't updated in a long while. a lot a ton a lot has been happening. I jsut downloaded a lot of pictures from some events and i don't want to bombard this entry with too much so i will centralize it around corey and danni starting to statue. i will post more about what i have been doing this summer later...or maybe i wont, but hopefully i will. :
recently, i have been doing these crazy kid's makeup and costumes:
the awesome thing about having sisters is that you can sometime dress them up and paint all over them without complaints.
they have been living statuing at various places for the past month now. the people of derry really really dont understand.
they have stood in front of petals and cream a few times now and every customer who comes up to the window says the same thing, "so, ah...there just ah doin this?" -that is not even a real question/proper way of forming words. me-"yes, it's just an art that they felt like trying." ( more picturesCollapse )
they are excellent photography subjects when they are like this.
aaaand. i am not sure those^ even worked becuase i am online retarded. oh well.
24th June 2005
I want freeeda-om
I visited the hospital again today, not for tanya, but for lexi. Tanya gets my thursdays Lexi gets fridays. I think I am in the hospital just as much as I was three months ago... and I am done with treatments now. It feels unbelievably good to talk to these people/children and being able to make them happier and smile even if it's just for a moment...aaaaahh. :
Hearing lexi's contagious giggle again made me feel whole. This child is amazing. I love her.
Yesterday I went to the NH institute of art orientation thang...kind of exciting. you know who goes to art schools, other artists. It's pretty frocking sweet. I seemed to not hate most everyone.
p.s. if you would really like to view a few more hospital pictures... http://photobucket.com/albums/y123/nichtknown/hospital/
i think that will work... maybe? I have to run!
1st June 2005
at least it sounds like summer
Today has been the first day it hasn't rained...YET! My mom is mowing, oh, I love the sound. I don't think I have ever mowed a day in my life, my mom finds it relaxing... so I never get the chance. The sound though=wondrous. I love the music of machines... like hair blow dryers... thats my most favoritest sound ever! When I was a baby my mom used to sit me in front of the dish washer because the noise made me stop crying. aaahhhh. :
Blow drying reminds me, my hair is growing back. I used the hair dryer the other day... I was so happy. I cried. What a weird frockin thing to weep about.
I don't really know what to write, a lot has been happening, my life is most certainly not boring, but it may come off as that.
I bought a digital camera yesterday. oh! i can tell you of my adventure via pictures... okay I’ll do this by making it a blue link thing. how to do that again??? hmmmm
I'll do it later. tata
24th May 2005
hey, you have the same name as me
so... i wrote her an email that really isn't even that funny, but would amuse me if i received it
Dear Ms. Long,
This email really is a waste of your time... I'm sorry. I just felt compelled to tell you that you have the same name as me. I am up late worried about things... so...looking up my name was the most interesting thing I could think up to keep my mind away from other thoughts... I hate our last name by the way. I don't very much like my first name either... i go by Casey. I think once I reach 50 I will start going by "Cassandra." Well...ah, I guess that's all I have to say... yurp....
Okay, have a very nice life. Good-bye my dear
p.s. I wish you the best of luck on speaking fluent Mandarin... I love their oranges
17th May 2005
nobody's laughing, nobody's crying
So my life is... a life. I have started going back to school, it will only be for a couple of weeks, but I suppose it's good for me. I can't talk to people, I have trouble doing so. It's not that I don't feel I belong, its that.. ha or maybe it is that. I just prefer to listen, not talk. The way some people act still surprises me. I think I need more social interaction though, maybe. As you can see, I am wishy washy about the whole thing. :
Today was wonderful though. After I came home from "school" I went with miss Cassandra to ask the police what their policy was for "street performing" in town. What I wanted to do I wouldn't exactly call street performing... but maybe I would, I am making art on the street for the public to see, i guess that's it. I wanted to chalk in front of businesses. They said it's not up to them, but hte business yada yada yada... we went to shaws plaza... they couldn't give us an answer and said they would call us later to tell us if it was allowed. We are impatient girls so we went outside and just started. I got as far as an outline when the cell phone rang, it was the plaza telling us we couldn't chalk. what the hell... it's chalk, it washes away... I finished it... or at least made it kinda okay looking anyway. I couldn't just leave this half done work on the ground, i had to finish it. Now there is a mime looking figure staring at a random heart on the ground near fashion bug. kind of out of the blue... i did this chalk festival thing last weekend and liked the way people reacted to it...i thought it would be fun to do it for people to see again... derry kinda stinks, there is no art what-so-ever... ah well. After this casey and I played a new made up game called "yarning it up," we discovered it after being bored with knitting. It was ridiculously fun despite its stupidness.
I also have a new amazing friend named tanya, she has cancer, she is fighting it, she is wonderful. carrie introduced us to eachother. Carrie is a saint. She is now tanya's chemo angel. it's sad to think that carrie has another little cancer darling, but at the same time ridiculously awesome becuase I am better. I really love both of these women. There has really been only one other friend I can talk to about things, but now that I've met tanya I can share and help her too.
I am happy... i used "ridiculously" twice in this post
1st May 2005
This week was pretty friggin awesome. The only bad in it was that I have realized that I only think I am as good as I am... I am not actually. hmmm.... To all of you who understood that, kudos, to me and the rest of the world, I will try to explain. I am talking about me as a whole, but I will put it in simpler terms making it about my art. I visited an art museum this week as well as saw some amazingly creative people, and watched some sidewalk chalkers sidewalk chalk... it was all quite lovely actually. The only sucky aspect to all of this "art watching" was that I realize how inexperienced and lacking my art is. It is just not a good feeling thinking about how much better I could be...that is thought too much. I often judge other painters, thinking, "I could do that, my art is better than that," but...it isn't really...have I really proved myself? ahhh no. It is hard for me to stick with things lately. I'll start a project then get bored, or go on random streaks where I can't stand painting/drawing/ect. and all I want to do is write, or attempt to make music... the last two I suck at btw. Something else I am disappointing myself with is how shallow I am becoming again. After the whole being in a hospital thing and experiencing a shit load I thought that I would stop being a petty person... I started being a stupid teen again. "Stupid teen" in my mind is probably a way different definition than in most people's minds...I am a very mildly stupid teen. I like how this started off with, "this week was pretty friggen awesome" then transformed into this poop splash of a thing. I'm going to bed... I'm not having fun right now... but hey, the rest of the week, except tonight, rocked... really really fun............................
25th April 2005
Best night ever. I will tell more later. Right now I am pooped. Just wanted to say "wow" ha, yeah, "wow."
15th April 2005
woot for kicking cancer's ass!
Today was the day I went into the hospital to get the final word on if my cancer was really kicked...and it is! yay god. The doctors said for the next year I can keep my other ovary, ha, yeah, never thought ide say that 5 months ago. Savor the fact that you have wonderful ovaries all you out there who, ah, have them. After a year, with all the tests they will be doing every 3 months for basically the next couple years...well after the first yearr if everything is okay then i can still keep it until yeah...the next year...or until/if (oh it better be an if) the cancer comes back. I better get to making kids quickly, man, haha. It is kind of weird that they put it like that-until is craps out, you can keep it- but i think they just really want me to keep it...for a future childs sake...there is little risk in me keeping it but it is super minute, there is no more cancerness that they know of on it. Dr. J drew a sweet picture of my Ovaries (oh yeah baby) and it is just a bunch of circles on a page...so i didn't really get it, but i did notice that in the picture she drew with my ovary having a cist on it: the cist was attcking it, i didnt know it was that huge...i think im posting too much, haha, but i dont care. If my ovary were a mouse than the cist would be a rat that consumed a mouse... cuz they do that. I saw loads of my little friends, but was afraid to go to the 7th floor becuasse i didnt want to get sad in front of them...i think i need more time...next time im bringing cookies for them. There was this one little girl though...she was cute. I get bored very easily waiting, so i was drawing all over my hands and she was watching me like a hawk the whole time. her eyes were burning a hole in my hand. i smiled at her, and she asked to play catch with her stuffed cat, it was fun...Ha, something i found humorous was this nurse named tanya. tanya has bright orange hair and is the funniest person in the hospital. she has to call the patients in and she was calling this asian woman with her son and tanya says to her, "chop chop, lets go" and i almost pissed myself...becuase im a horrible person. haha...i have to go...corey needs a friend or something??? guten tag <3